By Bob Hudson   Tue, Jun 22, 2010

In the United States, Independence Day, or the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday commemorating the declaration of independence from Great Britain in 1776. Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, fairs, baseball games, political speeches and ceremonies, and other events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the U.S. (Wikepedia.com). There are more than 140 celebrations around the world.

I was born and raised in a small town in Oklahoma. I remember the Independence Day parades with flags, floats, fire trucks, new convertibles, and police cars. I remember the barbecues, fairs, baseball games, and bicycles with playing cards and clothespins attached to make them sound like motorcycles. 

I also remember the feelings and attractions I had at a young age. And I remember my parents and others talking and laughing about how  disgusting “queers” were and how it was an abomination, angrily stating, “All those damned queers should be taken out and shot.” I remember wondering why I had those feelings and why I had to hide them, lest I be shot. I remember crying and asking God why he had made me queer. That question tortured me and failed to be answered for many, many years.

Independence Day has been used to pass down a tradition of patriotism in us as Americans, just as our parents pass down love, hate, bigotry, religion, acceptance, rejection – and our genes, for that matter.

Because my parents passed the gay gene on to me, along with bigotry, hate, and rejection of homosexuals, I hid who I was for 42 years and often even discriminated against others as well. I followed family tradition – both right and wrong – as the patriotic American I was taught to be. In 1976, the 200th anniversary of U.S. independence, I followed my father’s World War II service to his nation and enlisted in the Air Force. I was still in denial about who I was and didn’t want to be the “queer” my father so hated.

Early on, I encountered and participated in the lifestyle I dreamed of. But because of the intense and open bashing of the gay lifestyle from within the military, I remained silent and eventually refrained from such desired activity. 

I’d always wanted children, so during my first duty station in Tampa, Fla., I met a military nurse and, after eight months, we married. We had a daughter and three sons. I was good now – no one would ever suspect I was gay now. But the hiding took its toll on my life. I went through depression and a series of back surgeries, ending my military career one year early.

It was during my medical leave that I began to come out to my wife and eventually my children. My wife, of course, was surprised, as well as hurt. After many long walks and many tears, we concluded that I would pursue my attractions to see if that was truly what I wanted or if, as she suggested, it was just a passing feeling.

One night at a gay bar, I met Billy, a career hairdresser from northern Virginia. We began a relationship that has led to a monogamous commitment of almost fifteen years now. I continued to financially support and care for my children and to see them and their mother while living solely with Billy.

I served the federal government for another 11 years in Washington, D.C., giving me a unique look inside not only the military but numerous government agencies as well. I know their benefits, biases, and deception. Through the years, I’ve hidden my identity, lied about who I was, and was taught to lie in our national interest. I’ve passed polygraphs and psychological testing intended to identify “my kind” and continued to live a lie for most of my career without being detected.

Did I do it for patriotism, or was I just that independent soul seeking to survive as a human being and raise a family in our sometimes cruel society? I think both! I believe it’s called survival. Whether we’re straight or gay, white, yellow, black, red, or green, male or female, American, Indian, Chinese, Arab, Hindu, whatever… we all deserve freedom and the independence July 4th celebrates. We also deserve the respect, acceptance, compassion, and love for who it is we are – we, the people.

Do I think true independence can happen in our military system regarding our LGBT comrades? We’ve come a long way in our history in allowing blacks and women to serve when we thought they could not or should not, and it worked. So, how about gays?

In actuality, for as long as the military has been around, for as long as this nation has existed, we’ve been there. We’re performing in every aspect of the military and civilian machine, and we’re accepted – until they learn we’re in their bias group, the one they were programmed by their parents or someone else to hate.

You see, hate is a learned behavior, one which our patriotic and proud legal system of government condemns regarding some, but not all. We have a biased form of government. It is proud of our history, our patriotism, our democracy. It is often claimed to be based on Christian principles of love and brotherhood but too often fails to show it.

Let’s face it: we’re all one on this planet; we all have the same plight and a desire to love and be loved, no matter who we are. So, how do we get there, how do we make this happen? How can gays serve openly in the military? How can men and women be free to love and marry whom they desire? It’s a big question, one that provokes anger and war among the different sides. So, where do we stand?

First, we stand together by being proud of who we are and believing in our commitment to get to the promised land. Won’t you come along? Won’t you show some compassion and honest love? Won’t you accept us as a part of your nation, your family, someone fighting for the interest of your freedom, someone enduring hardships just like your straight son or daughter, someone who is just like you, someone who desires to survive, to love, to laugh, to enjoy the freedoms that Independence Day really stands for.

By Angela Minor   Fri, Jun 25, 2010

Often the most revealing way to express our lives is through the perspective of others. This can take the form of third-person narratives, visual representations in photograph albums or video presentations, or, in the case of “Linda has 2 Mommies,” stories recounted by a teenager to her therapist. What makes the latter unique is that the teenager, Linda, is a cat! Not unlike others living the life of a feline, Linda “remains focused on her own needs and doesn’t mind creating daily drama when she doesn’t get her way.” According to her mommies, “Linda, like so many other teenagers, tends to think the world revolves around her, and, frankly, in our household, for the most part it does!”

The format for “Linda has 2 Mommies” is a “sitcom/reality/partly-animated series” in which the gray and crème Tabby shares hilarious stories about her two “mommies.” This is accomplished via cartoon characters, which, according to co-creator Barbara Hobart, “was Linda’s idea…she thought the counterpoint would be significant since she is so, well, not animated!” Co-creator Cheryl McDermott adds, “Little did we know that we would not only be able to share our life through her perspective but that, in the process, we would become cartoon characters!”

“Linda has 2 Mommies” is one of many in a long line of projects for both Hobart and McDermott. Hobart has a list of credits in theatre and television, including writer and producer of “Games,” an Off-Broadway production, and “The Single Guy,” NBC’s sitcom series. Her work was recognized with the prestigious AGLA Award for co-writing the “One of the Girls” episode for the comedy series “9 to 5.” McDermott has co-written screenplays (“Drive Time” and “Shady Hills”) with Hobart, and has 25 years of experience “in the business.”

This latest project also includes the contributions of Andy Guerdat whose character is “Dr. Andy,” Linda’s “Pet-iatrician,” a.k.a. Pet Therapist. Guerdat’s writing and producing credits include “Head of the Class,” “Boy Meets World,” “Empty Nest,” “W.I.T.C.H.,” and Cartoon Network’s “George of the Jungle.” He states, “Linda has so many stories to tell…it just wouldn’t be professional therapeutic behavior to reveal such funny, personal, sometimes embarrassing stories on TV until I’ve had a chance to bring in my makeup and wardrobe people.” Additionally, Frank Molieri, supervising animator of SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie, and Michael Orland, Associate Musical Director for American Idol, are also involved with the production of “Linda has 2 Mommies.”

The antics and adventures of Linda’s “high-flying, sometimes high-strung, always hilarious gay mommies” can be enjoyed right now, in Linda Has 2 Mommies below. You can also log in to Linda Has 2 Mommies' YouTube Channel.

As for Linda’s opinion  - she says, “I’m really the only normal one in the whole show. I mean, seriously, wait till you see them…now get out of my chair…”

By Michele O'Mara, LCSW   Tue, Jun 22, 2010

I love painting. This works out pretty well because my partner, Teresa, loves decorating, and sometimes the same room must be painted several times, a different color each time, before we get it just right.

About six months ago I painted our entire basement. When I was done, the walls were the color of a fresh warm cup of coffee with cream. I thought this looked pretty good. As it turns out, we needed to spice things up with a little red. Who knew? So we (as in Teresa) decided it was time to paint again.

This is where the story takes an unfortunate turn. While happily changing the walls to red, I managed to spill quite a big puddle (yes, puddle -- not drop) of paint on our carpet. Red paint, by the way, is no friend of carpet – at all.

After diligently applying every stain-removing chemical I could get my hands on, the red began to fade. Unfortunately, the puddle morphed into a larger pink circle. At this point I was certain my newly designed pink carpet was not going to fit into Teresa’s plans for our basement. After every attempt to right my wrong, there was only one thing left to do. I marched upstairs, confessed my mistake to Teresa, and said, “I’m sorry.”

That’s what we do when we make mistakes, right? We apologize. When I apologize it means “I did something wrong” (like spilling paint on the carpet). ”I wish I hadn’t, and I’m not able to fix my mistake (even after trying every product on the market today), and I’m sorry.” It means, “I want to do better next time.”

We apologize for behaviors – the things we do or don’t do. I didn’t always understand the proper use of an apology. In fact, there was a time in my life when I apologized for everything. Someone would bump into me while I was minding my own business, in my own space, and I’d instinctively respond with, “Oops, I’m sorry.”

The best lesson I got with apologies, though, came a couple decades ago when my mom gently tugged me out of the closet with her questions. The first thing I said to her after confirming that, yes, I am a lesbian, was, “I am so sorry.” Her response taught me a very valuable lesson about when to NOT use this phrase. She said to me, “You have done nothing wrong; you have nothing to apologize for.” (That, by the way, is not what she said when I wrecked her car.)

Being gay was not something I “did”; it was something I was -- it’s something I am.  I was apologizing for something I could not make better. There was no way for me to do “better next time.”

At the time, what I was sorry for was that I was a lesbian -- a truth I fought for years, a truth that I worked hard to ignore, a truth I tried to “fix,” to make go away.  My being gay was something that neither she nor I could change. Luckily for me, she never tried to change this; only I did.

In time, I discovered that we can not simultaneously love ourselves AND believe that who we are is fundamentally harmful to those we love. Can you ever really be true to those you love if you are not true to yourself? I hear men and women share so many reasons for not living their truth:

• “They (parents, siblings, friends) have enough stress to deal with; I don’t need to add to it.”
• “I don’t want them to be bothered with this.”
• “I can’t do that to my parents; it would kill them.”
• “It’s selfish to burden them with my issues.”

I hear these words as “I am sorry for who I am and how my existence may affect you. Therefore, I will protect you from who I really am so that you do not have to be harmed by the truth of my existence.”  And then “I don’t have to bear the pain of believing I’ve disappointed you.” Living your life as though you were a mistake, as though you are not worthy, goes beyond believing you have DONE something wrong; it suggests you believe you ARE something wrong.

Thanks to my mom, I learned very early in my process that while I certainly have my own share of quirks and flaws for which I may need to apologize from time to time, being gay is not one of them. And as for our carpet, the very large pink circle downstairs serves as a great reminder to me that drop cloths just might be a great idea, like Teresa had suggested in the first place.

By Chef William Crutchley   Fri, Jun 18, 2010

I grew up on the coast of northeastern North Carolina. My family lived in a fairly rural area, and from the time I can remember, I had chores. 

One to three days a week I was usually assigned some type of yard work on our four-acre piece of land. I was bestowed the position of “family gardener” by the age of eight and, frankly, resented my father for assigning me the title. Mowing grass, harvesting fruit and vegetables, raking leaves, planting flower bulbs, and chopping wood -- there was always a chore to be done. I eventually grew to enjoy being the gardener. It actually laid a foundation for working hard that eventually led me to become a chef.

My favorite time to toil in the yard was the spring. This was when I would begin the planting in our half-acre garden. Ironically, we would receive the first harvest before the seeds ever touched the soil. It was from the asparagus crop whose perennial roots would lie dormant all winter. As soon as the crocuses began to bloom, the asparagus spears would begin shooting out of the ground. By July, we would be receiving our largest yield, so much that we would have to give much of it away to family and friends.

Asparagus with Shiitake Bacon (Serves 4-6) 

Chef Wil developed this recipe in response to 10,000 Couples Magazine’s search for healthy living. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

• 1/4 pound shiitake mushrooms, stems removed
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika or smoked pimenton
• Juice of 1/2 lemon
• 1 pound asparagus, bottoms trimmed and cut into 2” lengths
• 1 small shallot, minced
• 2 tablespoons soft butter
• Salt and pepper to taste

Set oven at 350 degrees, Fahrenheit.

Now get your apron on!

Fill a 4-quart pot with water. 

Add salt and bring to a boil on the stovetop.

In a medium bowl, whisk well olive oil, salt, paprika, and lemon juice. 

Toss shiitake mushroom caps in the mixture until mushrooms are evenly coated and have absorbed all of the marinade. 

Place caps right-side-up on a sheet pan lined with aluminum foil and bake until the caps are dry-ish, around 40-45 minutes. Once done, remove caps from tray and slice into 1/2-inch-thick strips.

Add asparagus to boiling salted water, cooking to desired doneness.

Meanwhile, in a large frying pan, cook minced shallots until softened. 

Add blanched asparagus into the pan; toss until evenly coated with the butter, and toss again with the shiitake mushrooms. 

Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Visit our Downloadable Recipes page to download this and more amazing recipes.

Click here to send in your own recipe to share. We'd love to try it.

By Shelly Goldstein   Wed, Jun 23, 2010

"He was a little surprised... [but] Elton said, 'Life is about building bridges, not walls.'” –David Furnish, speaking about Rush Limbaugh reportedly paying $1 million to his partner Elton John to sing at his 4^th wedding.

The problem with being a comedy writer in this century is, there is no joke anyone can write that’s as funny as what actually goes on in society right now. I mean, I’ve had the good fortune to write for some amazing talents, but deep in my heart I know that anything I’ve ever written for Steve Martin or Sharon Stone or Liza will never be as funny as the Ben & Jerry’s carton that tells you a pint of ice cream contains four servings. I mean THAT’S comedy writing at its best!

Or Tony Hayward – the current head of British Petroleum, the man who did to Corporate Responsibility what John Phillips did to “Take Your Daughter to Work Day” – spending the day after testifying on the Gulf Disaster his company caused by enjoying yacht races. I mean, COME ON!

YACHT RACES?!?!?!!??

Marie Antoinette heard that one and said, “Tony, what the hell are you thinking, you elitist, heartless, money-grubbing bastard?”

So, when asked what I thought about Elton John’s decision to perform at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding to Kathryn Rogers, I did what any normal person would do: watched my brain explode like that of a cartoon coyote and spent the rest of the day collecting and gluing back together the bits of my cerebral cortex as they merrily ricocheted off my walls.

Before I go any further, let me get one thing clear and on the record.

I have absolute and utter respect for Reginald Kenneth Dwight, a.k.a. Sir Elton Hercules John, CBE. As a composer, artist, humanitarian, and style icon, he is tops in every category. Hell, I’d adore him just for the Donald Duck costume he wore in his 1980 Central Park concert.

His grace, his dedication, his chutzpah have made the last 40 years much happier for the world-at-large. He excels as both diva and mensch, and if you think that’s easy, try it on the world stage and see well how you do.

I’ve never met him (I’m proud to say that I got a lovely e-mail from the head of his Elton John AIDS Foundation, who loved my gay marriage music video STUPID CALLOUS HOMOPHOBIC HATEFUL LEGISLATION), but everything I’ve heard or read about Elton convinces me that he is a true friend. Yoko Ono once told me that after her husband’s assassination, she was unable to eat for many days. The first thing she managed was a slice of chocolate fudge cake Elton sent her, knowing it was one of her favorite foods. “Everyone else sent me flowers,” Yoko told me. “Elton’s gift touched me so.” (Elton is also Sean Lennon’s godfather.)

Also, it is said Sir Elton donates all monies received for private concerts to his ELTON JOHN AIDS FOUNDATION, so there’s a delicious bit of karmic justice knowing that a cool million is being paid to help AIDS patients, coming from the deep pockets of the man who famously said in 2004 that AIDS activists were fear-mongering propagandists, trying to scare “normal” (i.e. straight) America; the man who assured his millions of self-proclaimed “dittohead” listeners that AIDS “hasn’t made that jump to the heterosexual community…Other than in Africa where it’s promiscuity that spreads this.”

Sadly, his fact-checking on this was as correct as his insistence that President Obama isn’t an American citizen. The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention of HIV/AIDS estimated that, as of December 2002, 135,628 Americans had been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS as a result of heterosexual contact. Furthermore, heterosexual contact was responsible for 15 percent of male and 75 percent of female infection of HIV/AIDS.

Nice try, Dim-baugh.

So, yeah, how great that Rush’s blood money could go to the victims of a plague he refuses to acknowledge.

But we all know that wasn’t the only or even the biggest pink elephant in the Ponce de Leon Ballroom that night – and by “elephant” I’m not referring to the symbol of the 400 GOP luminaries including Sean Hannity, Rudy Giuliani, and Karl Rove, who undoubtedly Crocodile Rocked the night away.

So, what was the unspoken topic lingering in the room like the aroma of the countless illegally-imported Cohebas often found wafting through the hallways of conservative men? Let’s say it together, everyone: GAY MARRIAGE.

I’m talking about the highest-profile gay union in the world (on December 21, 2005, Elton and David Furnish were the first couple legally bound by UK Civil Partnership Law) coming face-to-face (there’s an image that’ll keep me up nights for weeks) with the Hercules of the Haters, the Torquemada of the Tea Partiers, Rush Limbaugh as he married Ms. Rogers, his fourth nuptial. (Login to access our Gallery photos including the 2005 wedding of from Sir Elton and David.)

Rush is, of course, legally free to keep marrying younger and more nubile brides – Ms. Rogers seems an intelligent and capable woman – for as long as he chooses. Meanwhile, a same-sex partnership that has lasted decades is denied similar legal protection of assets, hospital visitation, parenthood rights, and so on.

Now, some might wonder why Rush sullied his sacred day by inviting a known Sodomite to perform. This, after all, is the man who said: "When a gay person turns his back on you, it is anything but an insult; it's an invitation.”

Worry not. The Limbaughs 4.0 covered that base by having the Rev. Ken Hutcherson of the Antioch Bible Church of Kirkland, Wash., preside. This is the same Rev. Hutcherson, former linebacker of the Dallas Cowboys, who was one of the leading faces in the campaign to reject R-71, a ballot measure that gave domestic partners the same legal status as married couples, declaring on election night: “[In] every state, every country, every nation that has passed these laws, marriage has suffered, families have suffered."

He has also organized “Mayday for Marriage” Rallies to “protect” conventional marriage.

On April 25, 2008, Rev. Hutcherson protested at a school hosting the National Day of Silence. He planned on organizing, and took an ad out in a local paper calling for, 1,000 people to protest the high school his daughter attended. (The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling and harassment in schools.)

In 2005, he temporarily got Microsoft to withdraw support for a Washington state anti-discrimination bill that made it illegal to fire an employee due to their sexual orientation.

On June 18, 2007, Hutcherson and 29 other African-American pastors in the High Impact Leadership Coalition publicly opposed the Senate hate crimes bill, renamed The Matthew Shepard Act, on First Amendment grounds.

I could go on but at this point my search engine is weeping.

Look: Rush Limbaugh is entitled to any wedding he chooses.

Perhaps at some point in the ceremony Elton was able to make a point that was able to, well, if not REVERSE the guests’ thoughts on gay marriage, then perhaps help them begin to see the issue in a more open, dimensional way. It is often said prejudice begins to break down as soon as a bigot actually meets and interacts with a member of the group he irrationally despises.

Perhaps foolishly, I believe that those who disagree can celebrate respect, tolerance, and diversity.

Admittedly, with this logic I feel a little bit like Charlie Brown facing Lucy’s football. (Why not? The good Reverend was a pro linebacker, after all.)

Let’s look at another strategic point. By taking the gig, Elton earned more than a cool million. He got several millions of dollars’ worth of press, each story (like this one) opening the debate on gay marriage to a bigger circle of people. Well-played, Sir.

Bottom line here: Whereas I personally still have some difficulty with his decision, Elton John is to be admired for looking to build ideological bridges at a time when most people in the public eye happily blow them up.

By   Fri, Jun 25, 2010

By   Fri, Jun 25, 2010

Food, glorious food! This is one of the main reasons I choose to travel the world. You can learn so much about a country, its people, and its culture by sampling the local delicacies. It's not always for the faint of heart, but it always delivers an opportunity to experience the real world.

Now, there are always some safety practicalities to consider, like only drinking from bottled or secure water sources, but it's equally important to know that the food is being prepared under safe, hygienic conditions. If you are on an organized gay tour, your tour leader is probably the best source for pointing you in the right direction -- especially in developing countries. Since they travel regularly through these regions, they know where to go and what to eat. So, follow their lead and you will be pleasantly surprised.

On a recent gay adventure tour through Northern Thailand, we spent an entire day in a cooking class in Chiang Mai. This is probably one of the best ways to get an authentic experience and understanding of local cooking. The day started with a visit to a market to gain an understanding of the produce, spices, herbs, and meats available in Thai cuisine. Fresh and fragrant ingredients were selected, and we were then off to learn how to prepare a typical Thai meal.

Now, we're not talking three courses here. You actually learn how to make a variety of courses, including, of course, Pad Thai and Tom Yum Soup. The instructor first shows you how to prepare the ingredients, and then you take charge and create your own meal. In a word -- delicious!! Who knew cooking Thai was so much fun?! Course after course is demonstrated and prepared, and you leave with a real sense of accomplishment and an understanding of what great Thai food is all about.

Having this first-hand knowledge of the local cuisine makes it that much easier to make your way through local restaurants and markets. You'll know what to look for and what to order. A good tip is to check out where the locals are eating. If you want a real sense of great food -- then eat like a local. The busier the restaurant with locals, the better the food will be -- and probably quite inexpensive. This holds true for probably any restaurant in the world.

Traveling through Europe and knowing how to eat on the cheap is sometimes a challenge, but the same principle as above holds true: Eat like a local and you will avoid the tourist traps. In most of the western European countries it is customary to have a light breakfast -- continental, of course. No heavy hot American breakfasts here. Go light in the morning with some bread and cheese, a croissant and a piece of fruit. Lunch is always on the go! And by "on the go," I mean that you can easily pick up a baguette and cold meats from a local butcher and baker and create your own little picnic. If you feel like you need a jolt of coffee, order at the bar and enjoy the coffee standing up. As soon as you sit down at a table, you will pay more -- that's typically where you will find the tourists. Europeans, especially in the Mediterranean countries of Spain and Italy, eat quite a late dinner. So, if you don't want to stand out like a sore thumb, then be prepared to eat past 10 p.m. This might sound strange, but if you want to eat like a local, then show up late and enjoy a late dinner.

Dining throughout the world, whether you're in Thailand or Italy, is a social event. It brings people together to laugh, share, and learn. Take the opportunity to learn more about a people, its food, and its culture by stepping away from the typical guidebook-recommended restaurants and venturing into local cafes, bars, bistros, and stalls to sample food, glorious food. It's what gay travel is all about!

---

About the Author

Robert Sharp is a responsible travel advocate who has traveled to all seven continents and is also Co-Founder of OUT Adventures, a gay tour operator that specializes in small-group adventures with over 25 worldwide destinations, including gay tours to Peru. Visit http://www.out-adventures.com for more information.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

By   Sun, Aug 29, 2010

These PDF versions of the recipes that have been featured in 10,000 Couples are set up to make it easier for you to cook with printed receipes.  

Anna's Caramel Fried Apple Pies

Wilbert's Italian Cream Cake

Sally's Udon Style Japanese Soup

Chef Wil's Perfect Chicken

Chef Wil's Spring Chicken

Chef Wil's Migas Norteñas 

Chef Wil's Summar Getaway 

Chef Wil's Asparagus w/ Shiitake Bacon

Chef Wil's BBQ Ribs

If you would like your own recipes featured, please let us know at editor@joined-together.net; we'd love to have you and them.

By Delena Wilkerson   Tue, Aug 24, 2010

Join our same-sex marriage celebrations for gay and lesbian couples worldwide!

From picking the location to choosing the menu, learn more about the ins and outs of our excited and very busy couples on their way to ceremonial bliss. Or share their stories after-the-fact and celebrate the life they've already built together! 

If you have a ceremony in the works, or if you celebrated one you would like to share with us, please contact the 10,000 Couples response form.

In the meantime, stay in touch with What Happened - What Mattered in Same-Sex Marriage  

Who is sharing their wedding plans with us?

Genia  and Andrea Follow them on video from how they met to choosing the bridesmaid!!

Who is sharing their wedding ceremony?

	Toni and Nekita Married on the 16th of July, 2010, in Vermont
	Jasz and Yvon JUST REVEALED VIDEO from May, 2008, wedding in Canada
	Melissa and Stacy Our Final Celebration Day, June 2010 in Chicago, marriage in Iowa
	Dion and Benjie Ceremony held June 2010 in California with news coverage from The Filipino Channel
	Alix and Martha  Legal Marriage Day, May 2010 in New Hampshire

By Jasz "John" Szlachetka   Thu, Jun 24, 2010

During these summer months, all over the world different cities celebrate Gay Pride. Where I live (in Montreal, Quebec, Canada), Gay Pride will be celebrated the last week of July and the first week of August. The question I ask myself is, will I attend the festivities?

It seems to me that Gay Pride festivities have lost their meaning as years go by. We are now in 2010, and the face of the gay and lesbian community has changed through the years. Our Gay Pride should show that, but unfortunately in most cases it doesn’t. 

When you look at a Pride Parade, what do you see? Do you see couples marching proudly, showing that they love each other and want to marry or are proud that they are married? NO!! Do you see families marching together, showing that gay and lesbian families are just as important, and just as good, as any straight family? NO!! Do you see the real face of the lesbian and gay world? NO!!

Then what is it we do see in a Pride parade? We see men and women in skimpy outfits. We see drag queens in all their feathers, wigs and fancy gowns. We see leather men in their chaps and harnesses, with their butts sticking out. We see lesbians on their Harleys, all trying to look butch. Unfortunately, these stereotypes are the face of Gay Pride.

Last year during Pride, I walked through the gay area of Montreal and saw drag shows, gay and lesbian dance parties, leather demonstrations and a lot of booze flowing in all these venues. Please do not get me wrong – I am all for having parties and celebrations, but are these the things that best represent the real face of gays and lesbians in the world?  

I asked about activities for gay and lesbian families, like a picnic or some games or anything to include kids. The answer I got was that Gay Pride is not supposed to be geared toward families; it’s geared for adults and their chance to have their own fun. I then asked about some activity for gay couples, and I was told couples can go to any of the events happening throughout the Pride festivities. I asked about something to represent gay marriage, and I was told that there wasn’t a large enough interest in gay marriage at Gay Pride. I was told that Gay Pride is supposed to be a party and that I should embrace it and not make waves.

Now I come to what Gay Pride means to me, and I hope to many more people out there. The face of the average gay and lesbian is of wanting to have a significant other in our lives, wanting to have a family and wanting to be considered as equals with straight society. I am proud to be married with my husband, and I am proud to be a gay parent, and I want to be able to show that to the world. Why can’t that be shown when celebrating Gay Pride?

Honestly, I have this dream of finding a Gay Pride somewhere in this world that celebrates the joys of gay and lesbian couples and the joys of gay and lesbian families. Unfortunately, I don’t have the financial capacity to travel all around the world to find such a celebration, but if I could one, I would be the proudest man on this planet. I would show my kids that we can be proud to be a gay family and that there are many of us out there like that. Gay couples and gay families are not just in pictures or on websites. They are real, and I want to show my kids that we should celebrate Pride with them and we should be accepted in society.

I am very proud of being gay, but unfortunately, I feel that my type of gay is not welcome at Gay Pride. I don’t dawn wigs, I don’t wear leather, and I don’t party all night and get myself wasted. I am the suburban gay, with a husband and kids. I don’t fit in with the festivities, and it breaks my heart to feel unaccepted.

As gays, we fight for rights to be accepted and treated as equals by straight people. Does this mean gay couples and gay parents have to fight for our rights at Gay Pride as well? If it does, I hope to be on the front of that band wagon, as the whole trumpet section.

That being said, I wish all of you, all over the world, a happy Gay Pride!!!!!

By Kellie Lee Owen   Wed, Jun 23, 2010

The Laws of Attraction are the laws by which all matter and anti-matter are governed.  We humans are matter and therefore subject to these golden rules.  The basis of the rules is quite simple:  what you put out, you get back.  This is an age old maxim used by all the world religions. 

“Like attracts like” is yet another way to understand that you create your own life and are therefore responsible for your life and the things you bring into it.  If you can really and truly get behind this concept, you will have the power to bring into your life all that you desire.

My partner and I have been working on balancing money issues.  The other day, my partner was both angry and really depressed because he had missed a day of work due to weather.  His reaction was extreme to say the least and uncharacteristic of him.  Lately, however, the harder he works on consciously bringing wealth into his life, the more stressed and angry he becomes. 

He was sitting in his office chair torn between fuming and crying.  I wrapped my arms around him and asked why he was so upset.  He did not have an answer as he knew his anger was out of proportion to the loss of one day’s work.  I asked him if he felt good and he said no and looked at me as if I was less than sane. 

I then asked him if feeling bad would create what he wanted.  He knew the answer to that particular question and almost smiled.  I said, “The rules are simple, feel good, get good; feel bad, get bad.”  He did in fact not only cheer up, but he has become a money creating fool.

Below you will find a list of the rules as my partner and I work and teach them.  These are taken from many sources and compiled here in the order in which we believe they work best.  Experiment with the list and find what works for you.

1.      Want:  Be very clear about what it is you want and desire.  Remove all the old rules about who gets what.  Forget ancient messages that claim you do not deserve what you desire.  Sit down, meditate and really concentrate on what you want.  Put this into a clear statement and tell the Universe and yourself that this is what you are going to create.

2.      Gratitude:  Be grateful for what you have.  This will create joy in your heart and pleasure in what you already have created in your life.  Practice gratitude by saying thank you for your home, clothes, bus pass, friends, your lunch.  Truly feel happy that you have what you have and the Universe will provide more.

3.      Feel:  Feelings are perhaps one of the most important steps you can take in creating your dreams.  Feel good.  No matter what set-backs you might incur, feel good.  My partner decided that he would move onto another job as a result of losing one day of work.  He was determined to find a better job and he is now making $5,000 per month instead of $10/hour.  Turn loss into gain, pain into pleasure.  Find the best in your situation and be happy.  Feel Good and all else will follow.

4.      Become:  Become the person you want to be.  Become what you desire.  If you wish to be a wealthy person, think, behave and respond as a wealthy person would think, behave and respond.  See yourself rich.  Use games, wish boards, tricks that will create the feelings of having that which you are trying to bring into your life.

5.      Do:  The Universe will begin to align and draw the people and the circumstances to you that are necessary for you to accomplish your goals.  When you are offered an opportunity, go for it.  If you refuse continually, the Universe will not bother making the offers.

I find that if my partner and I consciously practice these rules, we feel better no matter what comes our way.  We feel empowered and as if we can create what it is we want to create.   You, too, have the power to create your life as you want it to be. 

By Jeanine Byers Hoag   Tue, Jun 29, 2010

Though a wedding planner or consultant may insist on telling you the one best way to design or plan your wedding, the truth is that you are the ultimate judge of what is best, not your planner.

And hopefully, this will be your only wedding or commitment ceremony, so it will mean much more in the years to come if every part of the process bears the stamp of the love between you and your partner and the creativity you both bring to the experience.

Creating a Heart-Centered Ceremony

So this article is designed to guide you in the process of creating a heart-centered ceremony that will be a perfect expression of who you are and who you want to be together.

After all, at its heart, that's what a commitment ceremony is: a statement of your love and your wish to be together and live together in love for the rest of your lives.

Keep a Journal or Notebook

It's best to start the planning process well in advance of the date of your ceremony. That means lots of sudden inspiration or ideas you got while watching a movie or flipping through a magazine.

Do not count on remembering just because they excite you at the time! Designate a journal or notebook or both for jotting down your ideas, clipping pictures from magazines, writing down the names or websites you're considering and all other aspects of the planning process.

You will make the planning experience so much easier if you have everything in one place.

Getting Started...

Create a Vision

As you begin to consider what will make your commitment ceremony special, create a vision for the experience, one that you can imagine fully. What atmosphere would you like to have, what feelings do you want to experience and would you like for your guests to feel as they share the experience with you?

Sit together with your partner and close your eyes, imagining your ceremony. Spend as much time as you need to create your vision and when you are both finished, you can share your visions with each other.

Having this overall vision will help to guide the individual choices you make about each different aspect of your ceremony.

What's Your Style?

The very first decision you need to make is what style or theme you want for your wedding or commitment ceremony.

Perhaps you want a fairytale wedding complete with horse and carriage and maybe a castle in the background?

Or you might prefer an elegant tea ceremony as your theme, with Jane Austen clothing, a tea service at every table for the reception and heart-shaped cucumber sandwiches?

Are you considering a holiday or seasonal theme, like a Christmas wedding with red and green and Christmas trees? Or a lovely fall ceremony, rich with autumn colors?

Deciding on your style or theme will influence every decision you make during the remainder of your planning.

In the next article in this series, we will look at planning the actual ceremony.

By Angela Minor   Fri, Jun 25, 2010

Love Is an Act of Will

The year was 1987 when Dean Hokel and Craig Sale were set up on a blind date together by a mutual friend. Three years later they exchanged vows in a Holy Union and have built a life together over the last 20 years. During that time they experienced and overcame many struggles that still exist, though to a lesser degree, today. Two decades ago there were few positive role models of gay life in the media, no positive public movements for marriage equality, and little, if any, hope for acceptance in the fabric of society. In spite of all these barriers, Dean and Craig made the commitment to one another because they have always “truly believed that successful same-gender relationships are possible.”

Dean says, “Same-gender relationships, like opposite-gender relationships, can take many forms and be healthy. They require a negotiated agreement about what the relationship will look like and an agreement to live within that agreement.” Craig states, “A healthy relationship is one in which both parties are honest about who they are and how they relate to each other.” Clearly these philosophies have formed the foundation of their relationship that is now in its third decade.

Dean and Craig have also devoted their professional lives to the betterment of the lives of those around them. Dean works full-time in “helping transform seminarians into competent chaplains.” He states, “This is sacred work.” Craig says, “Dean’s endless kindness and generosity with others” are the qualities that make him successful in his career and “what I am most proud of.” Craig’s professional gifts are shared with others in the field of music education. Dean says, “I am most proud of Craig’s ability to shape a phrase with the piano, his loyalty to friends, and his ability to tell stories!”

Once the responsibilities of work are met, Dean and Craig enjoy each other’s company at the movies, out to eat, or simply talking. They share their home with Dolly, a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier. Both men enjoy traveling and recount some of their favorite memories as sharing a houseboat with four lesbian friends on Lake Powell, Utah; watching a double rainbow over the Grand Canyon; sightseeing in San Francisco; shopping in Saugatuck; traveling to Europe; and, walking on Monhegan Island, Maine. Their favorite memories at home are built around “listening to Craig play the piano,” Dean adds, and “having a nice dinner together while talking about the future,” says Craig.

“I hope one day that the worst insult an adolescent can hurl at another is not to call them gay…that one day young gay people don’t have to live in fear of others finding out who they really are,” states Dean, now 62 years young. Craig, now 52 years young, states, “I hope the future brings complete legal equality for committed couples and employment security in the workplace.”

Dean adds, “I hope that one day being gay will not be the way people define me.” He has a son, 38 years old with three children, and siblings that are “not accepting”; he also has a 36-year-old daughter with two children who are “accepting.” “I hope that my siblings and my son will one day stop judging behavior and identity,” says Dean.

“After all, love is a decision to be fully who you are with another, believing that they don’t ask you to be anything other than that…it is a decision to overlook things that don’t matter in appreciation of the things that do matter,” says Dean. Both Dean and Craig state, “Love is an act of will!”

By   Thu, Jul 08, 2010

A lot of folks have opinions about what is going on in the world. We currently focus on three broad areas in our blog lists. If you want to make a contribution, please let us know.  Here is this month's focus group:

Pride and Prejudice blog poster Rochelle LaTrice Lee

Pride Weekend Across the Country!!!

Today kicks off the start of Pride celebrations throughout the country. The metro-Detroit area enjoyed Motor City Pride in Ferndale, Mich., the beginning of the month. Now that we have officially begun the summer season and are preparing to close out the month of June, Houston, Seattle, Chicago, and San Francisco are getting ready to show their Pride!

Queer and Now blog poster Sally Olson

Federal Court Finds DOMA Unconstitutional

In a huge victory for same-sex couples, a Boston federal court judge today found Section 3 of the "Defense of Marriage Act" (DOMA), which defines marriage as between a man and a woman, unconstitutional.  The plaintiffs argued that DOMA violated their right to equal protection under the law by denying them Social Security benefits, federal health insurance benefits, and the ability to file joint tax returns simply because they were of the same gender.

By Marcus Jamal Taylor   Fri, Jun 11, 2010

The English language is the hardest there is to learn. You can take one word and get many different variations, contexts or meanings from it. It's all about the verb and the manner of how you use it. However, I'd like to talk about a word that in my travels has become my word of the month.

Important: 1. Strongly affecting the course of events or the nature of things. 2. Having or suggesting a consciousness of high position or authority; authoritative. 3. of great significance or value; outstanding; of  social significance; notable; eminent. 4. (when postpositive, usually followed by “to”) specially relevant or of great concern (to); valued highly. (definition taken from www.thefreedictionary.com)

To me, there is no greater feeling than that of being important. It strokes the ego, boosts the esteem, bottom line just makes you feel freaking good. It is human nature to want to feel good. To be counted on. To be needed. To be an asset and of value to all whom you may encounter. In reality, it doesn't always work out that way. Some of us confuse being important with being respected. To me, they are not inter-changeable; they are inter-twined but are two separate entities. Respect is something that is given. Importance is something that is earned. Know your place in society. Doesn't mean you are less than others; importance is just the position of the ladder that you currently stand on at that time of your life. You can always go up or down at any given time.

So that brings me to the purpose of this writing: What is the difference between thinking, knowing, and being important?  I was on a family outing the other day. I come to find out no matter how grown-up you may get, you are always still your mother's child. When mother calls, you revert right back to you place in society as her little boy or girl. So mom says we're going to the movies. She wants to take her children and grandchildren for a nice Sunday outing. All is going well until we suddenly run into car troubles. I'm thinking, “Great. Now I won't be able to drool over Jake Gyllenhaal and his sexy self with those dreamy eyes glaring at me over the big screen. Day ruined. WTF.” But have no fear; AAA is here! So, being broken down in the parking lot of an office building, we set up camp, waiting for the tow man. We are not loud, not littering nor loitering, just innocently waiting for our knight in towing armor.

After an hour goes by, the tow man shows up and my sister has come to the rescue to pick us up and continue on to the movies. However, have no fear; Mr. Big Bad Almighty Joe Nobody from Unimportant Security Inc. is here. I believe he had his flashlight and writing pad with his cheat sheet of codes and violations that he might have cited us on, if he had been a real cop who had passed the psych evaluation as well as the training academy. He's got his chest pumped up and his lips pouting as he approaches my mother, who is already on the defense of a day being ruined, to tell her we have to wait somewhere else. How dare he? Who the f&*k does he think he is? Oh, I know: IMPORTANT. They begin to exchange dialogue, which is very unpleasant, but funny to the ears. My mind is racing a million miles per second; this is so surreal. I could see the look of almighty Zeus coming from his eyes as his flashlight emulated Zeus’s lightning rod and I needed to bring this to an end, to put this man in his place. How dare he talk to my mother that way? How dare he embarrass me in front of my niece and nephews? What would be my approach? How could I put the water on the fire without igniting the flames further? I simply chose words of a fire extinguisher and calmly stated, “Mother, stop arguing with the fu%(@ng help. Obviously he has no TV to kill time at work. And he needs to feel as important as the $7.75 an hour they pay him. He can't afford your conversation, so let him be.”

Wow, I saw a black man as dark as me turn red. HAHA. And he shut right up and left.

Hm… remember Important: Strongly affecting the course of events or the nature of things. Having or suggesting a consciousness of high position or authority; authoritative; of great significance or value.

You see, at that moment I became the important one. I had to show him his place. You see, he was probably upset that he had no Ford Expedition to break down, AAA to come tow it away, another pickup truck to continue along his journey, and, well, a family that cared enough to come rescue him. Instead, he is stuck on a Sunday watching an empty building, lying in desperation for some sort of ego builder, esteem booster. But I would not submit to his desire to need to be important.

Don't get me wrong. We all have an important role in the world as well as in society. It is how well we achieve our role, how we play our role. It's not the amount of money you make nor the close friends or all the material possessions you may have. It is your interaction with all those you come in contact with that determines your level of importance. Thinking you are important and acting as if you are will only get you degraded. Working hard with pure strength, will, and determination will definitely place you higher up on the ladder of importance, and you then have the right to know that you are important. Not because you ask to be, but because you deserve to be. Take a minute and reflect upon my words and ask yourself, “What can I do better today to make myself of significant value and importance tomorrow?”

By   Tue, Jul 20, 2010

Back in March, we sued the public high school in Fulton, Mississippi, for canceling the school prom rather than allow Constance McMillen to attend with her girlfriend and to wear a tuxedo. You may remember that school officials then invited her to a "prom" that only Constance and a handful of students attended while the rest of her class partied at a secret prom several miles away. Quite a reminder of how cruel kids, and school officials, can be.

After getting an initial ruling from the federal judge that the school district had violated Constance’s free speech rights, we pressed ahead with the lawsuit. And yesterday, the school agreed to have judgment entered against it. This isn’t just a settlement, it means that the district is held liable for violating Constance’s rights – in other words: they caved.

The school will adopt a comprehensive non-discrimination and non-harassment policy that covers sexual orientation and gender identity and expression, which is the first such policy in any public school in Mississippi. And they’ll pay Constance $35,000 in damages (more than the median annual household income in Fulton, MS) and cover her attorneys’ fees. All in all, a great resolution both for Constance and for LGBT youth in Mississippi.

Constance’s courage in standing up for herself has brought her story to kids and policymakers literally around the world. She’s explained what happened to her on national news programs, talk shows, and radio spots; the Facebook page we set up for her attracted over 400,000 supporters; she’s lobbied members of Congress and urged others to support the Student Non-Discrimination Act; and she’s talked about student safety issues with President Obama in the White House. And she’s been to a whole lot of proms! Through all of it, she’s focused on using her experience to help bring attention to the problem of discrimination against LGBT youth.

We couldn’t have asked for a better ambassador for LGBT youth than Constance. We’re glad that we’ve resolved her lawsuit. We can’t wait to see what she does next.

Thanks to our partners in crime here: Norm Simon, Jason Moff, Josh Glick, and Lee Strock of Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel LLP; Kristy Bennett; Bear Atwood of the ACLU of Mississippi; and Alysson Mills of Fishman Haygood Phelps Walmsley Willis & Swanson, LLP. And many thanks to you, since your support has made this possible.

About the Author

James D. Esseks is director of the  ACLU Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender & AIDS Project , where he has worked since 2001. At the ACLU, Mr. Esseks oversees litigation around the country that aims to ensure equal treatment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people by the government; equal rights and protections for LGBT couples and families; protection from discrimination in jobs, schools, housing, and public accommodations; and fair treatment by the government of people living with HIV.  Prior to joining the ACLU, Mr. Esseks was a partner at Vladeck, Waldman, Elias & Engelhard, P.C., in New York, where he represented employees in a range of employment matters. Mr. Esseks graduated from Yale College and Harvard Law School, where he was editor-in-chief of the Harvard Civil Rights-Civil Liberties Law Review. He clerked for the Honorable Robert L. Carter, United States District Judge for the Southern District of New York, and the Honorable James R. Browning, United States Circuit Judge for the Ninth Circuit.

Make a gift to support the ACLU's LGBT Rights work    www.aclu.org/LGBTdonate

By   Thu, Jun 24, 2010

By   Thu, Jun 24, 2010

All relationships can be complex, but same-gender relationships can be particularly hard. If each person isn't 100 percent comfy with their sexual preference, there is truly no way that they can put the effort forth that is required for a completely working relationship. Nonetheless, if the two partners are altogether open about their sexuality, then saving a lesbian relationship is really not much different than saving any type of relationship.

The first thing you want to truly consider is what the attraction was in the first place. Was it a love of similar activities? A real friendship? Or just that "spark" that combusted when you first saw each other? Regardless of what started your relationship, finding it and returning to the start is a good way of preserving your lesbian relationship. Things tend to dim as time passes, and we all tend to vary in our position toward our mate. What was it that your partner saw special in you in the beginning of your relationship? Is it anything you still share?

One of the big problems many women have in any type of relationship is that they give up their independence. This can be especially troublesome in a lesbian relationship. If two women are wholly independent and one or the other turns needy, it can cause the other to feel smothered. Attraction is the key...as long as a "better half" is attracted to the other partner, they will overlook a lot of different things. But if the attraction is missing, it's tough to accept relationship troubles. Go back to the person you were earlier. It's out of the question to convert another individual, so the only thing you can do is change yourself. And in just about all cases, it will be a simple change....back to the person you were at the commencement of the relationship.

This cannot be done instantly. Most exes are confounded about whether breaking off the relationship was the proper thing to do. You need to provide them time to actually miss you. This won't happen by frequently calling, texting, and emailing. And it won't happen by imploring or making promises to change. Give them space and let them recall the beneficial things that you had together. After some time has gone by, possibly a week or so, just give your ex a call and concentrate on the friendship, nothing else. See how they are doing. Keep the call short and hang up without asking for anything in return. Don't try to make them jealous or come up with reasons to call. A few days later, send an email or a fun text. Essentially you're wooing your lover back to you.

If you take things slow and focus on what got you together in the beginning, you should have no trouble with saving your lesbian relationship. In fact, it can be better than it ever was!

About the Arthor

Lynn Huber

Find out more about Getting My Lesbian Lover Back and get our free informative guide by visiting Tips for getting your ex-girlfriend back.  Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/

By Kellie Lee Owen   Wed, Jun 23, 2010

Fear of losing your partner is a major dread for anyone who is in love, but if your partner is Positive, you actually have something upon which to focus. 

We may all fear that our mate got run over by a truck when he is late. This is an irrational fear and something you know is extreme. You can actually laugh at yourself as he walks in the door complaining of his commute. 

Watching your partner waste away, day after day, week after week, month after month is something at which you cannot just laugh. It creeps up on you as you roll over in the night and reach out to hold him, touching a hip bone which juts out like a dorsal fin on a shark. You pull away in horror, just as you would if you touched a shark’s dorsal fin, and then you realize . . .  this is the person I love most in the world and all I feel is fear when I touch him. You lie awake for hours, tears slipping from your eyes . . . 

Those middle-of-the-night ER visits can be a common occurrence, and you see more of his doctor than you do of your mother. You buy him Ensure; he opens a can, takes a sip, and throws the rest down the kitchen sink. You watch the Ensure run down the drain and feel his life draining from his body in the same way. 

You scream at God, you scream at his doctor, you scream at him, and finally you scream at yourself because you can do nothing to stop this disease that robs you of your mate a bit at a time.

So, what if you did a switch in perspective? What if you only saw your mate as strong and healthy? What if you focused on his good days instead of his bad? What if, instead of fearing his demise and your loss, you spent every second of the day enjoying his love? What if, instead of crying and screaming alone, you laughed and sang together?

Fear is something we all have to balance; rational, irrational, justified, or absurd, it scares the hell out of us. The only way to balance fear is to embrace it, own it, accept it, and release it. Talk it out and let it go. Yes, you may lose your partner. The situation sucks, but if you enjoy his life, you will stop focusing on his death. 

You will move into a place of peace and joy, and that will be a place in which he and you can heal and live a fulfilling life. Seeing health instead of sickness will inspire health. Being a beacon of light instead of a dark, fear-filled hole will allow him to see the light and move toward the joy that you exude.

Yes, you have a right to feel sad and afraid, and pain is a part of life, as is loss, and we all deal with it. We all lose our loved ones. Most certainly, you will have to cry and express your sadness. The next step, however, is to move on from your fear and embrace the love that is also a part of your lives. You may have to do this several times per day, but no matter what else you do, you have to move to a place of love.

When he is gone, will you have been a part of his joy or his sadness?

Something Else to Think About:  Older people with HIV 'substantially more disadvantaged than peers' from PinkNews.co.uk

By   Wed, Jul 21, 2010

The sentence was resolutely bland and nicely hidden in a long Supreme Court decision issued on the last day of the term.

All it said was this: “Our decisions have declined to distinguish between status and conduct in this context.” But the context mattered. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, writing for the majority, was talking about laws affecting gay men and lesbians.

Slipping that thought into a case about the treatment of a Christian student group reminded some of a technique perfected by Justice William J. Brennan Jr., whose fellow justices were wary of his “time bombs.”

“Brennan’s colleagues learned to watch for the seemingly innocuous casual statement or footnote — seeds that would be exploited to their logical extreme in a later case,” Seth Stern and Stephen Wermiel wrote in a new biography of the justice to be published in October.

Justice Ginsburg’s bland talk about status and conduct was significant because courts are more apt to protect groups whose characteristics are immutable. Calling sexual orientation a status may not require the conclusion that being gay is immutable rather than a choice, but it certainly suggests it.

There was something broader going on, too, said Suzanne B. Goldberg, a law professor at Columbia.

READ MORE

By   Thu, Jul 15, 2010

Posted By -  Doug Richards  Last Updated On:  7/14/2010 5:19:22 PM

Former Secretary of State Karen Handel wrote what she calls a "sponsorship" check to a gay Republican organization called Log Cabin Republicans. She was running for Fulton County Commission chairman at the time.

Her opponents in the GOP gubernatorial primary accuse her of lying about the check, and changing her position on gay issues. Handel denies it.

Now that she's seeking GOP votes statewide in the gubernatorial primary, Handel has volunteered little about her position on gay issues. 11 Alive's Doug Richards questioned Handel July 14 on board her campaign bus as she traveled from Atlanta to Monroe.

Handel: (The Log Cabin Republican check is) certainly not a membership. And I don't think going to an event constitutes membership, nor does it constitute agreeing with everything they have to say either.

Richards: Why did you do that?

A: Well, when you're out campaigning -- remember, I was campaigning for Fulton County Commission -- so I think it was important for me to speak to all the various Republican groups. Let's remember a lot of Republicans have spoken to the Log Cabin organization, from, I think (Senator Johnny) Isakson has spoken, Sonny Perdue has spoken. It was part of going out and trying to run a comprehensive campaign. And the key, I think, was to make sure that I was doing the outreach with folks. And it was better to not have folks be adversarial against me, and so that was the whole point of it.

Q: You said there were issues where you may have agreed and disagreed on. What were the issues you agreed with them on?

A: From taxes and cutting the spending at Fulton County and candidly, the organization was a good ally on those types of fiscal issues.

Q: You have said that you are -- you're against gay marriage, right?

A: Mm hm. Absolutely. Marriage is between one man and one woman. And I've been very very clear about that. And the record is clear about any of the other issues like domestic partner benefits or anything like that. In fact in Fulton, I voted no on domestic partner benefits.

  Read more

By   Thu, Jul 08, 2010

If you know anything about gospel music the name Tonex will strike a chord. In 2004 he took the gospel world by storm when he released his Grammy nominated album Out The Box. Not only was it number one on the gospel charts, it also made a mark on the Top R&B charts.

While, Tonex, the artist was at the pinnacle of his career, Anthony Williams - the man -was facing controversy and turbulence.

In 2004, Tonex's father passed away of a heart attack and then assumed the pastoral duties of his church.

"I was more of a skittish person then because I was torn between career and, and calling. And that's the plight of many people who love God -- have a calling to do something between the construct of the church and religion," Tonex said.

But Tonex had yet to face his greatest challenge. It's been less than a year now that he come out and let people know that he is a homosexual.

"That's the quintessential difference, is to first struggle with it and then to know that that's the least of who you are. That's a portion that's actually technically private, but because we live in such a repressed society -- particularly in the African American church and congregation -- those type of topics seem to keep surfacing," Tonex said.

Tonex says he felt shunned from his peers--separated and alone.

Read more

Hear some of his music

By   Tue, Jun 29, 2010

Gay Rights has become a highly debated subject in recent years. The majority of people now agree that gay people and gay couples deserve the same rights as anyone else, but there are still people with strong opposing views. This is especially the case when it comes to adoption. 

Gay people have been granted equal rights in many areas, with civil partnerships the biggest victory for gay-rights campaigners. Civil Partnerships were introduced in the UK in 2005 and are a form by which gay couples can register their partnership, very much like marriage under a different name. This was a way of legalizing a marriage-type institution for gay people, but getting around the argument that marriage should be for male-female couples only. 

Same-sex adoption is an area that has been pursued heavily, and one that produces much debate. Some think that there should be equal rights in all areas and, therefore, same-sex adoption should be legal, while others are completely against it. This includes many religious groups, especially the Catholic Church. The UK is among many nations where same-sex adoption is now legal, and more countries are bringing in similar laws all the time. 

Below are some of the points that are being put forward on both sides of the gay-adoption argument. 

ARGUMENT FOR   There are so many children waiting for adoption, so it only makes sense to utilize gay couples wishing to adopt. One of the main points made against same-sex adoption is that children need male and female role models. However, the traditional family is not as common as it once was, and therefore, many children do not grow up with both biological parents anyway. It is morally right that gay couples should be given the same adoption rights as straight couples. There is no reason why gay people cannot be good parents.  

ARGUMENTS AGAINST   It is best for children to grow up with a male and female role model. Even when parents separate, the children see both in the majority of cases. Children could be bullied if their parents are gay. Children could suffer psychologically by being brought up by a gay couple.   

The question has to be asked, what is most important with adoption? The most important thing is that children are loved and cared for, and therefore, does it matter if they are brought up by one male, one female, one of each, or two of either? And is sexuality important in someone’s ability to bring up children? If the answer to these questions is no, then this suggests that adoption should be allowed for gay couples.   

Most of the argument against same-sex adoption can be countered. Many have claimed it is best that children be brought up by both biological parents, but many do not stay together anyway. Emotional problems can stem from being brought up by gay parents -- many studies that have been carried out looking into the subject, though, suggest there are usually no psychological affects. Being brought up in a stable family is best for children – but civil partnerships can be just as stable as marriages.  

THE LAW 

Before the current laws came in, one person was able to adopt a child. This meant that an adopted child could potentially live with this person and his or her partner, even if they were in a same-sex relationship. There were also situations where a gay woman would become pregnant through artificial insemination and then the child could live with her and her partner. This gave lesbian couples an advantage over all-male couples. In many ways, then, it was possible for gay couples to bring up children. 

New laws were implemented in 2006 so that same-sex couples could adopt a child together. There are strict adoption rules, but they are the same for gay and straight couples. 

Many adoption agencies have ties with religious groups. Those with Catholic connections refused to allow adoption by gay couples. This was ruled as being illegal in June 2009. Many of these organizations claimed they would rather close down than adopt to gay couples. However, most have abided by the rules. 

About the Author

Andrew Marshall, Civil Partnership Solicitors
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/

By   Fri, Jun 25, 2010

Many years ago, when I worked in education, I spent my summers directing outdoor park district activities for kids.  The children would come from the neighborhood to play various games.  One year I recall a teenage boy coming to the park with a desire to talk with me.  He would attend a youth group at his church (which was located nearby) and then meander over to the park facility.  At some point in our conversation, he told me that he was gay and that he felt ashamed as a result of his church’s anti-gay sentiment.  He felt very alone because he had told no one in his youth group of his sexual orientation.  His parents were not informed, and would have been mortified had they known of his gay identity.  Each time he came to the park we would talk about his struggles with being gay.  Because I had trained student leaders to work with the park kids, I was able to devote some attention to this troubled young man.  This was my first exposure to conversing with an individual who professed to be gay.  I learned a great deal about a segment of society that played out their lives in agonizing silence. 

I learned that gay people, like other minorities, are used to being stereotyped.  Those of us who are straight perceive gays to be effeminate, flamboyant, impulsive, and artsy.  Most of the gay people I have met do not fit that pattern.  They typically feel isolated because their behavioral patterns are actually heterosexual in nature with the exception of their sexual affinity toward others of the same sex.

With the advent of multicultural thinking, gays are beginning to feel more comfortable and accepted.  Their level of confidence affects their relationships and style of relating to the world. The acknowledgement of being gay takes supreme courage.  The odds have been stacked against those who choose to make their gay identity known.  Many adults, now in midlife, are just beginning to acknowledge their true sexual identity.  With such exploration comes the awareness that “I feel a stronger sexual connection with those of the same sex.”  Such a realization may signal the emergence of terror – “I am not who I pretended to be.” 

When you listen to the stories of those who are gay, you get a sense of the conflict and tension they have experienced in their struggle to be authentic.  Most have known from an early age that they felt different about their sexual identity.  In an attempt to conceal their feelings and behavior, many gays worked feverishly at removing any vestiges of gay traits from their behavior.

Adolescence is a difficult time of turmoil for most youngsters.  Add to that the issue of sexual identification and it certainly makes the process of navigating adolescence that much more strenuous.  Many schools are afraid to acknowledge their gay students and provide little or no support for those in need.  Ideological and political pressures play a role in keeping school administrators and school board members from stepping up to the plate in support for gay youth. 

In my professional counseling practice, I have personally witnessed the anguish and conflict experienced by those individuals who have professed to be gay.  I have also observed the courage that many patients have demonstrated in the process of emerging from their silence over their sexual orientation.  Learning to be authentic is an important component of counseling and to honestly identify one’s sexual identity may be apart of that process.

Although there is little evidence to support its efficacy, many counselors surprisingly continue to espouse reparative treatment for gay clients.  Counselors, who many times disguise their intentions, choose to subscribe to the archaic notion that sexual orientation is a learned pattern or choice rather than a lifelong identity.  Reparative therapy views the gay individual as disordered and in need of transformation.  Generally, counselors who conduct reparative therapy for gays look for deep-seated traumas as a causative factor in the “identity conflict” of those they serve. 

Counselors who insist on touting reparative therapy for gays typically maintain their own biases regarding homosexuality.  They carry these biases into treatment and negatively affect the self-worth and integrity of those they serve.  Their insistence on curing gays creates a climate of self-doubt and defectiveness among those they treat. 

Many in the religious community are unable to reconcile their beliefs and faith and are reluctant to identify with those who define themselves as being gay.  This fact causes many gays to reject their faith or live in a constant state of religious conflict.  Years ago, a friend of mine decided to spend a weekend of solace at a religious retreat center.  This was to be a time of isolation and reflection.  However, her time quickly took on a new meaning.  Gay men from churches throughout the country flew into this retreat center.  Many of them were board members, elders, and pastors of their congregations.  No one knew of their sexual orientation with the exception of the hundreds of Christian colleagues who met at this retreat center to worship together once a year.  Every year, these men got together in the freedom of their true identity and worshiped God.  They talked with my friend, expressing their sense of liberation and love for the God they embraced.  My friend said it was a moving experience as she was asked to join them in their religious services which were filled with energy and passion. 

Denial is a dangerous thing.  Those who choose to ignore their true sense of self pay a price for their own personal deception.  It takes courage to live with the way things really are.  There are pitfalls along the way, but it is more honest and authentic.  Those in the gay community have the right to define themselves the way they wish.  Unfortunately, for openly gay people, there are consequences for living with an identity they did not choose.  

About the Author

James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S, LPC is an author, freelance writer, and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona.  His personal growth book, "Stepping Out of the Bubble," is available at www.amazon.com.  James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com. 

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/

By   Sat, May 22, 2010

Treating your plants the same way you would like to be treated, with care and respect, will keep them healthy and happy. Abuse causes unnecessary stress and wounds that can be a target to diseases and pest problems in your organic garden, a healthy plant is a happy plant.

Simply handling your plants gently and avoiding any damage, like torn leaves and broken stems is very important. Rough handling not only cause stress to the plant, it can weaken it and the wound can be the invitation that pests and disease organisms are looking for to find an easy access to enter the plant.

One of the most common ways that a plant gets damaged is at harvest time. Tugging at a plant when picking the fruit or even when a flower is picked. It not only can damage or break off a stem, it can also cause harm to the plants root system. You should always use a sharp tool, like a knife or pruning shears to make a clean and gentle cut that is easy for the plant to heal.

When working around the plants in your garden, avoid the handling of the plants as much as possible, when you do have to, be gentle and use care. The transfer of diseases are not only cause by natural methods, they can be applied to another plant from simply the transfer of moisture on one plant to another. This can easily be done when you touch a leaf of a plant, then move to another and touch it with your wet hand, you will never even know it. There are many disease organisms and pest that can be in and easily travel on just the thin film of moisture that covers the plant foliage on a damp morning dew.

Organic pest control involves the studying or your garden plants and the gardens soil to create a natural, healthy envir onment for your plants to thrive. The key to having a good organic pest and disease control management plan in place is to have a well balanced system. This system includes having a healthy garden soil structure that can provide the plant life you are growing the support, nutrients, moisture and environment they need to grow strong and healthy. A strong healthy plan t is the best defense against pest and disease problems and a healthy soil can provide a healthy plant.

A environment friendly and healthy way of gardening. Organic Gardening is away of gardening in harmony with nature. Growing a healthy and productive crop in a way that is healthier for both you and the environment.

About the Author

John Yazo

http://www.organicheirloomgardening.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/