Gays and lesbians are hiding themselves in society to protect themselves.  I want people to know that gays and lesbians exist in society by looking at [the two of] us. 

  - Kanako Otsuji, first openly homosexual politician in Japan, after her public wedding in Nagoya, Japan.

Meet Dion Wong and Benjamin Aquino, Jr

The word “Ladlad” means, “being unfolded” in Filipino; a term the Filipino LGBT community has adopted to mean “coming out.” When Benjamin Aquino, Jr., came out many years ago, however, the term was not used this way. In fact, he was the first person ever to go public about his homosexuality in Solano, Nueva Vizcaya Province in the Philippines, where he was born. This small village of about 56,000 residents is no doubt still reeling.

Not only did Benjamin go public; he organized others in a group to "do good works," just as his Christian upbringing had compelled him to do. He was determined that the people in his village equate "being gay with being good." Indeed, as a former Private Duty Nurse to several elderly gay and lesbian couples, and currently working at the AltaBates Summit Medical Center in Oakland, Calif., and active in charity work, Benjamin is still making an impact - both in the Philippines and in the U.S., where he now lives with his spouse, Dion Wong.

Benjamin and Dion met through a personal ad in a local paper. One of Benjamin's long-term private clients initiated the ad because "he was concerned" that Benjamin, who by then was in his 40s, "would grow old alone." What attracted Dion to the ad was that "this person was looking for someone with traditional Asian values." These traditions are very important to Benjamin (58) and Dion (66), and include a wide range of beliefs and expectations.

They describe the importance of maintaining close family ties and the sacrifices you are expected to make to ensure those relationships are sustained. This is one of the things Dion is proud of in his spouse; despite many problems, Benjamin stays connected to his family.

They talk about the comfort in knowing rice and tea will be available at meals without discussion.

They relate their understanding of the Asian culture's historical dependence upon conformity for its survival since "difference" often results in ostracism and ridicule by the community and/or the government. Honoring experience, traditions and wisdom is essential.

They also explain that the expectation of "showing deference" or "saving face" to others is a highly coveted value in Asian communities.

These last two are often in conflict with western values, especially when it comes to gay rights and the fight for marriage equality; Asians prefer to avoid open conflicts. Like many others coming from non-western cultures, Benjamin and Dion have adapted. Dion, who is Chinese, was born and raised in the U.S., so has more experience straddling the two worlds.

The couple travels extensively, including yearly visits to the Philippines and/or China. The worlds they navigate range in extremes. From the U.S. to the Philippines is an adjustment for a variety of reasons, but as a couple, they are free to be.

In China, lesbians and gays are not encouraged to give the appearance of being anything other than friends lest they be subject to arrest and/or blackmail. According to Dion, the LGBT community is largely underground in China, in spite of occasional publicity. Moreover, inordinate family pressure to produce offspring leads many gay Chinese, and Asians in general, to have wives, he added.

Benjamin and Dion's world here in the U.S. is very different. Their homes and gardens (here and in the Philippines) are filled with Benjamin's artistic touches and the couple's menagerie, including five cats, two rabbits and fish. The couple loves spending time together and with friends here and abroad.

Though retired, Dion still teaches English periodically and spends several nights a month organizing activities for the 60 members of a "35+ Group" he coordinates for gay men over the age of 35 at the Gay Asian Pacific Islander Alliance (GAPA) in San Francisco. He is also a volunteer provider of LGBT sensitivity training for senior caregivers at the Openhouse services organization for LGBT elders (read about their project in the January issue) Dion is also a member of the clergy in Eckankar.

Dion and Benjamin's relationship is sustained by a deep love for one another that they say is sheathed by trust and includes physical, mental, psychological and spiritual connectedness.  They were older when they met and fell in love, which means the baggage of prior hurts, betrayals and disappointments required unpacking but, at the same time, provided valuable lessons and examples. Their courtship lasted four years before the relationship was consummated and they were married in Toronto, Canada, and secured domestic partnership in California. 

Dion and Benjamin forged their way as individuals and as a couple without having had positive role models growing up. Fortunately, but because they are true to the whole of who they are, they became positive "role models" for the gay Asian community.  On March 16, 2010, they will celebrate 15 years together; apparently there is something to be said for "gems."

Just as important as our collective visibility is our support of those who are fighting for our rights. That is why we intend to profile 10,000 same gender couples in 2010 and donate the first $10,000 from our earnings to Marriage Equality USA.  Click for more information

By Delena Wilkerson

Delena is the publisher and editor of 10,000 Couples magazine. Over the past 25 years Delena has published many articles, edited a national newsletter, and been both author and editor of several how-to books on financial management for nonprofits.  Some of these experiences might even help with this latest venture.  For certain, her experiences at the helm of a local nonprofit organization taught her how to get the job done with minimal resources.  She is a graduate of Livingstone College in North Carolina and the University of Chicago's School of Social Service Administration.  Delena currently lives in Oak Park, IL with her spouse and son, cat and koi.