In the United States, Independence Day, or the Fourth of July, is a federal holiday commemorating the declaration of independence from Great Britain in 1776. Independence Day is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, fairs, baseball games, political speeches and ceremonies, and other events celebrating the history, government, and traditions of the U.S. (Wikepedia.com). There are more than 140 celebrations around the world.

I was born and raised in a small town in Oklahoma. I remember the Independence Day parades with flags, floats, fire trucks, new convertibles, and police cars. I remember the barbecues, fairs, baseball games, and bicycles with playing cards and clothespins attached to make them sound like motorcycles. 

I also remember the feelings and attractions I had at a young age. And I remember my parents and others talking and laughing about how  disgusting “queers” were and how it was an abomination, angrily stating, “All those damned queers should be taken out and shot.” I remember wondering why I had those feelings and why I had to hide them, lest I be shot. I remember crying and asking God why he had made me queer. That question tortured me and failed to be answered for many, many years.

Independence Day has been used to pass down a tradition of patriotism in us as Americans, just as our parents pass down love, hate, bigotry, religion, acceptance, rejection – and our genes, for that matter.

Because my parents passed the gay gene on to me, along with bigotry, hate, and rejection of homosexuals, I hid who I was for 42 years and often even discriminated against others as well. I followed family tradition – both right and wrong – as the patriotic American I was taught to be. In 1976, the 200th anniversary of U.S. independence, I followed my father’s World War II service to his nation and enlisted in the Air Force. I was still in denial about who I was and didn’t want to be the “queer” my father so hated.

Early on, I encountered and participated in the lifestyle I dreamed of. But because of the intense and open bashing of the gay lifestyle from within the military, I remained silent and eventually refrained from such desired activity. 

I’d always wanted children, so during my first duty station in Tampa, Fla., I met a military nurse and, after eight months, we married. We had a daughter and three sons. I was good now – no one would ever suspect I was gay now. But the hiding took its toll on my life. I went through depression and a series of back surgeries, ending my military career one year early.

It was during my medical leave that I began to come out to my wife and eventually my children. My wife, of course, was surprised, as well as hurt. After many long walks and many tears, we concluded that I would pursue my attractions to see if that was truly what I wanted or if, as she suggested, it was just a passing feeling.

One night at a gay bar, I met Billy, a career hairdresser from northern Virginia. We began a relationship that has led to a monogamous commitment of almost fifteen years now. I continued to financially support and care for my children and to see them and their mother while living solely with Billy.

I served the federal government for another 11 years in Washington, D.C., giving me a unique look inside not only the military but numerous government agencies as well. I know their benefits, biases, and deception. Through the years, I’ve hidden my identity, lied about who I was, and was taught to lie in our national interest. I’ve passed polygraphs and psychological testing intended to identify “my kind” and continued to live a lie for most of my career without being detected.

Did I do it for patriotism, or was I just that independent soul seeking to survive as a human being and raise a family in our sometimes cruel society? I think both! I believe it’s called survival. Whether we’re straight or gay, white, yellow, black, red, or green, male or female, American, Indian, Chinese, Arab, Hindu, whatever… we all deserve freedom and the independence July 4th celebrates. We also deserve the respect, acceptance, compassion, and love for who it is we are – we, the people.

Do I think true independence can happen in our military system regarding our LGBT comrades? We’ve come a long way in our history in allowing blacks and women to serve when we thought they could not or should not, and it worked. So, how about gays?

In actuality, for as long as the military has been around, for as long as this nation has existed, we’ve been there. We’re performing in every aspect of the military and civilian machine, and we’re accepted – until they learn we’re in their bias group, the one they were programmed by their parents or someone else to hate.

You see, hate is a learned behavior, one which our patriotic and proud legal system of government condemns regarding some, but not all. We have a biased form of government. It is proud of our history, our patriotism, our democracy. It is often claimed to be based on Christian principles of love and brotherhood but too often fails to show it.

Let’s face it: we’re all one on this planet; we all have the same plight and a desire to love and be loved, no matter who we are. So, how do we get there, how do we make this happen? How can gays serve openly in the military? How can men and women be free to love and marry whom they desire? It’s a big question, one that provokes anger and war among the different sides. So, where do we stand?

First, we stand together by being proud of who we are and believing in our commitment to get to the promised land. Won’t you come along? Won’t you show some compassion and honest love? Won’t you accept us as a part of your nation, your family, someone fighting for the interest of your freedom, someone enduring hardships just like your straight son or daughter, someone who is just like you, someone who desires to survive, to love, to laugh, to enjoy the freedoms that Independence Day really stands for.

By Bob Hudson

Bob Hudson is a gay retired Air Force veteran and father of four biological kids. He lives in North Carolina with his partner of 14 years, Billy Muncy. They recently became grandparents and travel six months of the year in their motor-home, visiting their kids and friends throughout the United States. Billy has also greatly enjoyed the opportunity to become a father and grandfather and help raise kids himself, an opportunity many gay men never experience.

Comments(1):

1. Bob's Independence Day

   What a great article! Right from the heart. Bob, you're a patriot in my book, because you are taking a stand to be yourself and to fight for the rights we all deserve.

   Friday, July 23, 2010 Sarah