When I first came out to myself as a gay man many years ago, I was completely clueless about the gay lifestyle. As with any culture, I quickly came to learn that the gay community has its own norms and practices that differ, to lesser or greater degrees, from what I'd experienced in the mainstream heterosexual world we all grow up in and internalize.

Living in the suburbs of Chicago where few resources existed for learning about and meeting other gay folk, I established a friendship base in the Windy City itself, which houses a fairly large gay metropolis. It was here that my virginal journey into gay society began. I was so naïve in learning all the social nuances involved in this new land I was venturing into! I recall with amusement walking one day through the gay ghetto with one of my friends, just chatting away about this and that, when all of a sudden in mid-sentence, his neck spun around in a double-take (very similar to Linda Blair in "The Exorcist") when a striking man in a tank-top walked past us. I found myself a little startled and taken aback by his behavior, which seemed so overt and untamed by my conventional standards -- his eyes bugged out and his tongue wagging. As I quickly came to learn, this commonplace ritual is called "cruising," an important social skill that all single gay men quickly learn to develop to snag themselves a potential date or casual sex partner for the night.

By Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a free monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" ...